The best sex may just be the quietest, writes Rowan Pelling

I’ve long been haunted by the memory of a stay in Paris’s Latin Quarter memek where I was kept awake all night by a woman in a nearby room screeching so loudly that I wondered if I should offer to perform an exorcism.

When I mentioned the ‘miaulement’ (the delectable French word for memek caterwauling) to the receptionist the next morning, memek she rolled her eyes and porn declared the woman an ‘actrice’, crot or bokep sex worker.

Now, crot according to this new study from the ever-liberal Swedes, memek it all makes scientific sense. It confirms what most women know and crot all men dread – the louder the cry of ecstasy, bokep the greater the chance the orgasm is being faked. In other words, crot you can’t measure passion in terms of decibels: bokeh there’s sex as performance art, bokep and porn sex as genuine intimacy. And porn when a woman is genuinely aroused, memek trusts her partner and bokeh is not fearing for bokeh a fragile male ego, memek she’s far more likely to gently sigh and bokep moan than shriek like the rabid super-vixen in my Parisian hotel.

In my days editing The Erotic Review magazine, porn female contributors regularly confessed to faking orgasms. It was generally on an occasional basis, bokeh they’d explain, bokeh so they could make their partner feel happy, memek while conserving their energy for bokeh other tasks in hand. This was the conclusion of another study by two researchers from the University of Central Lancashire. They declared that erotic decibels were all about manners and bokep bokeh ‘manipulation’, bokep and bokeh that women were prone to what they described as ‘copulatory vocalisation’ in order to encourage their partners over the finishing line, bokep so to speak.

A new study confirms the louder the cry of ecstasy, bokep the greater the chance the porn orgasm is being faked (Stock Image

It was like saying: bokep ‘I’m enjoying this, bokep but can you get a bloomin’ move on.’ Sound familiar, porn ladies?

The only other reason to screech like a demented hyena is if your sex education comes from porn, bokeh where loud always equals better.

As a woman from Sunderland bokeh said in 2014 after neighbours complained that her porn sexual yowling drowned out their TVs: crot ‘As far as I’m concerned, porn that’s what you should be doing.’

bokep Well, porn only if you want to attract a certain kind of attention.

In their book, bokep Sex At Dawn, bokep Christopher Ryan and memek Cacilda Jetha concluded the most likely reason women were noisy during sex – memek based on observation of our nearest primate cousins – was to alert nearby males that they were fertile and crot keen to copulate.

If you’re a sex worker, porn I can understand memek the need to advertise. But if you’re not, crot then men should take heed: memek the best sex may just be the quietest.

Paris